If anyone has noticed, I’ve neglected my Mommyhood duties for a couple of months. Actually, I’ve neglected a lot of my duties for a couple months.
I went back to school in 2011 to get another degree. I’m one of those mid-life career changers. And as part of that, I had to do an internship. That’s on top of my classes, my regular job and you know, raising a 6-year-old on my own.
While the internship and school have been incredibly fulfilling on a professional level, they have brought on the Mommy Guilt – big time.
To say I’ve been busy has been an understatement. Many days I ate lunch in the car running from one place to the next. My house was a mess. I was exhausted from late nights of homework and laundry. I forgot things like permission slips and book order forms.
But I kept pushing on, telling myself (or trying to convince myself) that while I wasn’t being the best mom right now I was teaching my daughter a bigger life lesson. I was teaching her that you have to work hard for things in life, that nothing comes easy. I want her to have a strong work ethic, drive, ambition. I want her to see me as strong and dedicated and smart. I want her to know she is capable of doing many things.
Yep, that’s what I told myself.
Then I discovered a drawing in my daughter’s backpack. It was titled “When I grow up” and she had drawn a picture of a mommy. I asked her if she wanted to have a job, explaining that sometimes mommies work outside the home too. Before, she’s wanted to be everything from a vet to a teacher to a doctor.
“Nope, I’m gonna be a mommy who stays home with my babies.”
That hurt. A lot.
Maybe she does want to be a mommy. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. It’s the best thing in the world. But I couldn’t help interpret it as a comment on my parenting skills the past couple months.
So lesson learned for me, little one.
You’re the one who is most important, most deserving of my time and attention.
Even though all my work is aimed at providing for my daughter and making sure we not only have a roof over our head, but that we can take a vacation, go to Disney on Ice, have nice things, etc. Sometimes all they really want and all that really matters is time with you.