It’s the morning after Mother’s Day, and like many of you, I oooh’d and awww’d over school-made cards and objects that we shall call Fifth Grade Pottery. In unusual fashion, I told my husband not to worry with meals and flowers this year since my birthday was celebrated earlier in the week. The poor guy gets slammed in the month of May between my birthday, Mother’s Day, and the anniversary of our first date (which I insist we celebrate 23 years later). Throw in Memorial Day (just because), and he’s ready to commit suicide by paper cut.
One of the handmade gifts came in the form of a Mother’s Day questionnaire. It’s a good thing my daughters are cute.
All right, girls. Here’s the essay part. Ready to begin? My mom is as pretty as:
Maryn (age 8) : A rose.
Ava (age 10): I have to think. Wait.
K: It’s that hard, Ava?
A: Right now?
K: Moving on…
A: No! I’ve got it! A diamond ring.
K: I sparkle?
(It’s 7:35 a.m.)
She is as sweet as:
K: Here we go again.
A: You’re as sweet as…hold on. I have to think of what it’s called.
M: A donut?
A: I know this. Okay…you’re as sweet as a pomegranate.
K: They’re tart, Ava.
She is as smart as:
M: A teacher!
K: I’m kicking you off the questionnaire, Ava.
A: Um…I don’t know what you’re smart at doing.
A: You are as smart as a teacher. Like Maryn said. But just in English.
K: Gee, I can’t wait for you to become a sarcastic teenager.
But most of all, she is as special as:
M: Our whole family.
K: I’m as special as the rest of you?
A: You’re as special as the Kentucky Derby.
K: Great. I bet you mean the infield.
Now the fill-in-the-blank part, otherwise known as short answer, or how you answered the essay portion of this thing.
1. I really love it when my mom:
M: Takes naps with me.
K: That’s been a while. Look at the bags under my eyes. We should do that today.
A: I really love it when my mom is in a good mood.
K: You’re not helping matters.
2. My mom likes to wear:
K: I don’t like you very much right now, Ava.
3. My mom always tells me:
M: That she loves me.
A: You tell me a lot of things.
K: Pick the most frequent saying.
A: You always tell me … hmmm…. that I HAVE TO CUT MY HAIR.
(Maryn sneezes three times and needs allergy medicine.)
K: You do. It’s stringy and flat, and as long as I’m doing the arm work every morning, it has to be shorter.
4. My mom’s favorite food is:
M: Tomato mac and cheese.
K: When did I make that?
M: After the mac and cheese cook-off. You said you liked it.
A: I don’t know. What is your favorite food? What do you like to eat a lot? Oh – I know. Steak!
K: At the Chop House, on my birthday, when it’s free.
5. My mom’s favorite household chore is:
M: Doing laundry!
K: Oh, yes. I love that. I really love it when the dog eats a sock and needs emergency surgery.
A: Cooking dinner.
K: …which you never eat.
6. The best thing she cooks is:
M: Pepperoni rolls.
K: I haven’t made those since you were in kindergarten.
M: But I remember them.
A: You make good tacos.
K: They’re from a kit! I add cheese and lettuce!
7. When my mom shops, she likes to buy:
K: And I have no place to wear them.
K: Which I should wear even if I have no place to wear dresses.
8. My mom’s favorite movie or TV show is:
M: Breakfast at Tiffany’s.
K: Yes. I love that movie. I need to watch it again.
A: Your favorite TV show is Mad Men.
K: Tomorrow night at 10:00! You need to be in bed asleep by 9.
9. If your mom could go on a trip, she would go to:
M: The beach.
A: Churchill Downs. I’d like to go there again since I passed out last year.
K: On the track. I remember it well.
A: Can we go back?
K: Maybe after the Paul McCartney concert.
A: Where One Direction played?! Paul’s going to perform on the same stage as Harry Styles!
K: I’m sure that’s what Sir Paul said, too.
10. I love my mom because:
M: Because you love me.
K: Think hard, Ava. This one is a toughie.
A: I love my mom because she takes us on nice trips….like the One Direction concert.
K: Do you love me more than Harry Styles?
A: I love you both the same.
I guess I should’ve stopped while I was ahead.
Happy Mother’s Day After to all of our Mommyhood readers, particularly the ladies who stand in for those moms who are no longer with us.