It is less than four weeks until I go back to work.
I would be lying if I said I wasn’t dreading it. Let me explain…
I am very much looking forward to getting back to doing the work I love to do. I am looking forward to seeing and interacting with my coworkers and friends again. And frankly, I’m looking forward to having a reason to dress up and put on makeup regularly again.
But there are two main reasons for why I am anxious to go back to work.
The first is the thought of leaving AJ for almost ten hours a day with someone else makes my stomach turn. She has quickly become a part of me and I have not been away from her for more than four hours. Now that she is more active, smiles, and recognizes people, I feel like we are developing a solid relationship. She looks around the room for me when she hears my voice and smiles when she sees me. I know how to interact with her and I’m learning how to teach her things.
What will happen when she is with someone else for most of the day? Will she remember me? Will she still love me? Will she feel abandoned by me? Will they comfort her at daycare when she cries? These are the crazy mom thoughts running through my head. I know, I know, it will be much harder on ME than on her when I leave her at daycare, but these are the fears I have.
The second reason I’m anxious is that I just don’t know how I am going to do it all. I’m just now getting some cherished hours of sleep back and when I think of the time I am going to have to wake up to get to work on time…well I actually don’t even want to think about it. Every mom must have the thought, “How am I going to do it all?” at some point in time (daily?), whether she chooses to stay at home, work part time, work full time or something else. I imagine it will be like other transitions in life – when I started working I laughed at myself for thinking I was busy in college, when I had AJ I laughed at myself for thinking I was busy pre-baby, and I’m sure I will laugh at myself for thinking I was busy in these first weeks of AJ’s life.
Millions of moms have made the transition back to work before me and I know both AJ and I will be okay. But, just like everything else with being a new parent, I can’t help but be in awe of the moms who have done it before and wonder if I’ll get through it myself.
I know I am very fortunate to be able to take off three months to spend with my daughter. I looked forward to my maternity leave for months and I can’t believe it will come to an end in just a few short weeks. Time has flown by and it has been a time I will cherish forever – the ups, the downs, the challenges, and the moments of pure joy all come together to make up some of the best weeks of my life.