So I’ve been the target of a great deal of scorn over the past 34 hours regarding something I posted on Facebook. No, it wasn’t some political debate I inspired involving some highly controversial, hot button issue argued vociferously in the halls of places where smart people hang out. It’s over something I thought — at the time — was a simple, random, innocuous admission:
Random Fact: In my 29 years, I have never eaten a Funnel Cake.
Yes, my friend, I am a 29-year-old Funnel Cake virgin. Never before has this deep fried, sugary powdered concoction ever touched my lips.
And the reaction by my socially networked friends to said admission — made while I was roaming the aisles of the Ravenswood Foodfair as I was waiting on my mother to figure out what we were making for Father’s Day dinner — was something I never could have expected.
Here’s a sampling:
“What are you, Al Qaeda?”
“Un-American I say…”
“This should be illegal!”
“So Jared….the CIA called…they could use you since you’ve been living inside North Korea for the past 3 decades….Communist.”
“I’m shocked and appalled…..that’s a staple of the Black Walnut Festival — really, just shocked an appalled.”
“U r not human.”
This was magnified today at work when several of my co-workers expressed utter shock that I’ve gone 29 years absent of deep-fried goodness.
It’s not that I’ve made a conscious effort to avoid them — growing up in Jackson County, we had the annual Junior Fair, 4th of July carnival, Art & Craft fair, Ohio River Festival and Ravenswood Octoberfest — it’s just whenever I attended any of those events, I always went after the Philly Cheese Steaks or Lemonade (you know, that special carnival lemonade that’s like 68 percent sugar crystals, 10 percent lemon juice, 5 percent water and a remaining portion of an addictive substance I can only assume is crystal meth).
So now, before my friends inform federal officials informing them of the need to revoke my citizenship, I now send out a plea among fellow festival-istas —- where/when can I get a funnel cake in the greater Charleston area??? I know there are kits that you can use to make at home, but then, if I make it there, how can I be sure that I got it to that greasy fairs & festivals level of quality everyone else has apparently grown to know and love?
And beyond that, what do you think — what is it about the funnel cake that has drawn out such a reaction among those I know? Do you have any particular memories tied to a funnel cake? What does this deep-fried bread concoction mean to you?
And please, help me find one before I’m excommunicated from society…..
Tags: funnel cakes