While West Virginians were dealing with a very real disaster today, a potential pop culture one was brewing in the world of capitalism.
So, Tudor’s Biscuit World really got our minds (and stomachs) distracted earlier today by tweeting they had some big news on the horizon:
@TudorsBiscuits Tudors Biscuit World
We’ve got a big announcement today. Can you guess what it may be? Check back at 4 pm to find out!
So, naturally, that got us wondering, “What could this be?!?”
As a reporter who’s primary job is to cover state government on a day when state government offices are closed for the Columbus Day holiday, I naturally had some time on my hands to ponder this.
And so I wondered if Tudor’s might attempt to capitalize on two things on the forefront of everyone’s minds lately: WVU football, and whatever the heck is happening with our conference affiliation these days.
In that line, here’s some options I came up with:
Named for new WVU head football coach Dana Holgorsen. This would be a Red Bull-infused sausage biscuit that starts out slow, but then really picks up in the second half.
However, when I tweeted that, the Tudor’s folks didn’t seem too taken with it:
Um, no. But we’ll file that away.
So that didn’t work out, but how about….
The ‘Runor’: This one would be dedicated to all those WVU message board rumor-mongerers (or as they call them “runors,” since some of them spouting these things have not been too good at spelling) out there who think that just because their wife’s dentist’s nephew went to prom with the daughter of a guy who’s neighbor had an uncle who once ate at the same Fairmont cafe that a Mountaineer Athletic Club donor once thought would be a cool place to take Oliver Luck if they ever met, that they actually have a real source and then created a Twitter account in an attempt to be taken seriously. It really doesn’t care what the menu description of “The Runor” would be, because, in the end, the menu doesn’t know what the heck it’s talking about and therefore has no idea what the guy in the back of the restaurant will really put on the darn thing. And really, in the end, the only thing this biscuit will do is guarantee that you spend 7.5 hours at the office everyday for weeks at a time being unproductive — much to the chagrin of your boss — by staring at a computer screen and hitting refresh on a message board screen to see if today really is the day that buying into the darn thing pays off. (Not that I’ve done that recently…..)
Well, seeing as how WVU President Jim Clements is set to give his state of the university speech at 3:15 p.m. and I want to see if I can rearrange the letters of any of the words in the first paragraph to spell “SEC,” I need to go now.
But I leave you now to ponder this: football-inspired items would you like to see added to the Tudor’s menu?
Editor’s (or at least, Jared’s) Note: Tudor’s just came out with their promoted “Big Announcement”:
Drum roll… Please join us Wednesday evening for an open house at our newest location in Pineville. We will be serving free BBQ sandwiches and sausage biscuits from 5:30 to 7:30 pm. We are very pleased to bring Tudor’s home-style menu to Wyoming County!
For those of us that don’t live in Wyoming County and therefore will not have access to free yummy BBQ and biscuits, I think we can say this one wasn’t as big as we thought — at least, not in comparison to the ideas listed above and in the comments….
So I’ve been the target of a great deal of scorn over the past 34 hours regarding something I posted on Facebook. No, it wasn’t some political debate I inspired involving some highly controversial, hot button issue argued vociferously in the halls of places where smart people hang out. It’s over something I thought — at the time — was a simple, random, innocuous admission:
Random Fact: In my 29 years, I have never eaten a Funnel Cake.
Yes, my friend, I am a 29-year-old Funnel Cake virgin. Never before has this deep fried, sugary powdered concoction ever touched my lips.
And the reaction by my socially networked friends to said admission — made while I was roaming the aisles of the Ravenswood Foodfair as I was waiting on my mother to figure out what we were making for Father’s Day dinner — was something I never could have expected.
Here’s a sampling:
“What are you, Al Qaeda?”
“Un-American I say…”
“This should be illegal!”
“So Jared….the CIA called…they could use you since you’ve been living inside North Korea for the past 3 decades….Communist.”
“I’m shocked and appalled…..that’s a staple of the Black Walnut Festival — really, just shocked an appalled.”
“U r not human.”
This was magnified today at work when several of my co-workers expressed utter shock that I’ve gone 29 years absent of deep-fried goodness.
It’s not that I’ve made a conscious effort to avoid them — growing up in Jackson County, we had the annual Junior Fair, 4th of July carnival, Art & Craft fair, Ohio River Festival and Ravenswood Octoberfest — it’s just whenever I attended any of those events, I always went after the Philly Cheese Steaks or Lemonade (you know, that special carnival lemonade that’s like 68 percent sugar crystals, 10 percent lemon juice, 5 percent water and a remaining portion of an addictive substance I can only assume is crystal meth).
So now, before my friends inform federal officials informing them of the need to revoke my citizenship, I now send out a plea among fellow festival-istas —- where/when can I get a funnel cake in the greater Charleston area??? I know there are kits that you can use to make at home, but then, if I make it there, how can I be sure that I got it to that greasy fairs & festivals level of quality everyone else has apparently grown to know and love?
And beyond that, what do you think — what is it about the funnel cake that has drawn out such a reaction among those I know? Do you have any particular memories tied to a funnel cake? What does this deep-fried bread concoction mean to you?
And please, help me find one before I’m excommunicated from society…..
It’s movie season, which means we’ll soon be sitting in the dark, enjoying the air conditioning, getting jujubes confectionaries stuck to our clothing and spilling super-sized soda pops on our pants.
And this summer seems particularly action-packed. It hit a couple of weeks ago like Thor’s hammer and doesn’t seem like it will let up until August.
Some of us are having trouble deciding what movie to focus our excitement on. Take Ashley Craig for example:
So I’ve got a list, all of which I’m super excited over and will likely see alone. Yeah. I’m that nerd.
So far my list consists of X-Men, Captain America, The Tree of Life, Super 8, Cars 2, Colombiana and maybe Transformers since Megan Fox is out.
Here’s what the rest of us are geeking out about:
Nerd: Me, Brad McElhinny
Movie: Green Lantern
Comes out: June 17
But even the trailer gives me butterflies and makes my arm hairs stand on end. For a funny book dweeb, it’s so cool seeing what seems like old friends on the big screen. Look, there’s Abin Sur! Look, there’s Kilowog! Hey, there are the Guardians of the Universe! It’s Oa! (“It’s Oa” would be an excellent half-hour comedy on the SyFy channel. Oa is a planet inhabited by the Guardians of the Universe and they’re cranky little blue guys in robes. What’s not funny about that?)
And then to hear the Green Lantern oath — “In brightest day, in blackest night, etc., etc. — that really produces the chills.
Ryan Reynolds looks like a winning Green Lantern, too. He looks good humored — moreso than Hal Jordan has ever been portrayed.
Making time to go see this movie in the theater? Yes, I’ve got the willpower for it.
Nerd: Jared Hunt
Comes out: June 29
Not so much for the plot, but — given its subtitle — I’m interested to see if the movie tracks along with Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon!
Nerd: Ashlee Maddy
Comes out: July 15
It’s a film franchise more than a decade in the making. This summer, we will see the final showdown between one of modern cinema’s greatest villains and one of the greatest protagonists–Lord Voldemort and The Boy Who Lived.
For 10 years, the Harry Potter franchise has been building to the final two hours of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part II. The terrific trio (Harry, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger) must decide if all their sacrifices have been worth it.
For those who haven’t read the books, this film finally reveals where Severus Snape’s allegiance lies. We must also say goodbye to several characters we have grown to love during the climatic Battle at Hogwarts.
It really comes down to the quintessential question–can Good triumph over Evil? I can’t wait for July 15!!
Nerd: Duane Maddy
Movie: Cowboys and Aliens
Comes out: July 29
I am looking forward to a lot of movies this summer. The one that captures my attention more than any other is ‘Cowboys and Aliens’ directed by John Favreau, but includes help from heavy hitters Steven Spielberg, Ron Howard, Brian Grazer, Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci.
The film has an all-star cast that includes Harrison Ford, Daniel Craig, Olivia Wilde and the very underrated actor, Sam Rockwell. The plot is exactly what it sounds like. Arizona is invaded by a spaceship in 1873. The aliens’ intention is to overthrow the earth. The only thing standing in the way is a select gang of rough ridin’ cowboys. The film is based on a 2006 graphic novel by Fred Van Lente and Andrew Foley…and every kid’s imagination since 1950.
Nerd: Josh Work
Movie: Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark
Comes out: August 26
I’m not usually a big fan of horror films, but Guillermo del Toro has producer credits. I’m a big fan of his “Pan’s Labyrinth” and “The Orphanage,” and the “Hellboy” movies were pretty great, too.
Katie Holmes is the lead actress, which is a bit of a turn-off, but Guy Pearce as the father figure might redeem it.
How about you? What movie has you excited most?
Well, at least on TV, radio and in movies…
In a recent decision from the certified buzz-kills at the State Administration for Radio, Film & Television that is sure to draw the ire of sci-fi aficionados everywhere: the Chinese government has issued new guidelines regulating the use of time travel as a plot device on the state-run airwaves.
Since you probably can’t read Chinese, I’ll tell you that these guys are saying that plot devices involving characters that travel back in time “lack positive thoughts and meaning.” The guidelines discourage writers from writing stories that “casually make up myths, have monstrous and weird plots, use absurd tactics, and even promote feudalism, superstition, fatalism and reincarnation.”
According to the New York Times’ Art Beat blog, there’s been an apparent surge in popularity of time travel plotlines in Chinese television. They cite the popular Chinese show Palace, which recently featured a woman who falls in love with a Qing dynasty painting, travels back in time and then falls in love with several princes.
To me, that sounds like a ripoff of the Heroes’ plot line in which Hiro Nakamura traveled back in time to meet Takezo Kensei and then fell in love with a beautiful princess. In all honestly, I wish someone would have banned the writers of Heroes for writing anything involving time travel past the first season, but hey, free country……but that’s not the case in China.
So now, I guess if the Chinese people want to view Marty McFly traveling back to 1955, Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock saving Earth by rescuing the humpback whales, or Sam Beckett making that one more leap that could be his last, they’re going to have to do it on the black market.
I guess the Chinese government just doesn’t think 4th dimensionally……
What better way to celebrate the spirit of April Fools’ Day than with legendary bastion of truthiness Sam Waterston making senior citizens fill their Depends as they quake in fear of deadly robot attack…..
Transcript (in case the laughter drowns the sound):
Sam Waterson: I’m Sam Waterston, of the popular TV series “Law & Order”. As a senior citizen, you’re probably aware of the threat robots pose. Robots are everywhere, and they eat old people’s medicine for fuel. Well, now there’s a company that offers coverage against the unfortunate event of robot attack, with Old Glory Insurance. Old Glory will cover you with no health check-up or age consideration. [ SUPER: Limited Benefits First Two Years ] You need to feel safe. And that’s harder and harder to do nowadays, because robots may strike at any time.
[ show pie chart reading: "Cause of Death in Persons Over 50 Years of Age": Heart Disease, 42% - Robots, 58% ]
And when they grab you with those metal claws, you can’t break free.. because they’re made of metal, and robots are strong. Now, for only $4 a month, you can achieve peace of mind in a world full of grime and robots, with Old Glory Insurance. So, don’t cower under your afghan any longer. Make a choice. [ SUPER: "WARNING: Persons denying the existence of Robots may be Robots themselves. "] Old Glory Insurance. For when the metal ones decide to come for you – and they will.
So don’t cower under your afghan any longer, go out an prank someone before the metal ones decide to come for you!!
PS – Note to NBC: BRING BACK LAW & ORDER!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, as was established in my last post, I’m a HUGE Star Trek nerd. (I promise to blog about something else soon, trust me!)
Yesterday, while cruising around the “Twitterverse,” I ran across the Twitter account from our favorite Star Trek: TOS helmsman Mr. George Takei (@GeorgeTakei), and of course I had to hit “FOLLOW”!!!
I mean, it was packed with pure, irreverent humor, such as:
- “Everything happens for a reason. Often it’s alcohol. #SecretsInTheSauce.”- “When I use the holodeck, I’m in the Captain’s chair, looking at the back of Kirk’s head. #RhymesWithTakei“
- “The new iPad 2 weighs a lot less and even sports a camera. In other words, it’s more Asian than ever. #BiteMeApple“
- “Who is this Justin Bieber, and why is everyone picking on her hair?”
What’s better than being a part of the humor? Well, it was this direct message I received this morning:
Irreverent humor from Mr. Sulu himself!!
Yes, yes, I’m sure he probably has a standard message he sends to every follower. But just the fact that such a figurehead in sci-fi lore may have — for what was I’m sure only been a brief period of time — had Jared Hunt (@jaredwv) on the brain, well, that’s just FREAKIN’ SWEET in my book!!!
(Disclaimer: I’m a HUGE Star Trek nerd! So, just prepare yourself…)
Every so often, something comes along that really challenges some of your basic assumptions of life.
We’ve all been through them — be it realizing that there’s no Santa Claus, or Easter Bunny, or Cap’n Crunch (though I hear his cereal is staying around).
Yes, the celebrity theoretical physicist and sci-fi aficionado took to task one of the primary defense mechanisms of any Federation starship — the photon torpedo.
Kaku’s thesis (which you should watch the first part of the video on his blog) was basically this: a photon is a particle of light, and particles of light covered in a hard plastic shell are not a weapon.
By his logic, the effect of a photon torpedo detonation would be the equivalent of turning on a flashlight — meaning the worst damage your opponent could possibly suffer would be a pesky sunburn.
(I find it hard to believe the Federation would be able to defend itself against the Klingons using something that could be remedied with a heavy course of Aloe Vera cream…. This is probably another reason why Star Wars opted to use “proton torpedoes” to fight off the Empire.)
But I don’t really feel that Starfleet’s weaponry problems end there.
In addition to Kaku’s “photon” complaint, I also take issue with the later introduction of a more potent weapon: the quantum torpedo. It’s another instance of using words that sound cool, but don’t really make sense.
After watching Star Trek: First Contact, I wondered to myself (because I have this kind of time), “What exactly is a quantum torpedo?” Best I could figure, it’s a torpedo that utilizes the theories of quantum mechanics to create a wormhole through space-time through which Chuck Norris travels and roundhouse kicks the target, causing great destruction.
While that weapon would be an effective deterrent against the Borg, I doubt the writers were really watching Walker, Texas Ranger at the time.
So, now we’ve basically gutted the two main tenets of Starfleet’s defenses. How now can the Federation fight off an alien attack? (more…)